Why Does Your Ex Want to Be Your Friend? – Step To Health
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Whether you have ended the relationship or it was he or she who decided to end it, you may be surprised by his reaction to ask you to continue seeing each other, but only as friends.
If you have asked yourself, “Why does my ex want to be my friend?” and you do not have an answer, keep reading this article.
Being friends with an ex: Myth or reality?
Maybe you’ve seen it in a movie, a series or a book … but very little in real life.
Being friends with our former partners does not seem to be a viable idea.
Well, because there are many feelings at stake and probably one of the two (or both) will end up hurt.
Even if the break up was ‘mutual’ or ‘on good terms,’ it’s difficult to turn that relationship into a friendship. Of course, there are various exceptions, but, in general, it is difficult to sustain that relationship over time.
You may ask yourself: if there is no love or passion between us, could friendship work? That’s a bit complicated to determine, since we don’t have the ability to see the future.
However, if neither of us suffers from this new situation and there are no conflicts when new partners enter the picture, then we can say that being friends with an ex is possible.
Visit this article: Four Situations When It’s a Good Idea to Get Back Together with Your Ex
Why does my ex want to be my friend? Hidden agendas
Now, perhaps your attention has been drawn by your former partner telling you that he wants you to continue being ‘friends.’
His desire will amaze you, whatever the reason why things ended. If that concern did not come up for you, why did it for him?
Of course, we cannot get into his heart or his mind to know ‘for sure’ what the reasons were that led him to make such a proposal.
However, we can analyze or break down some reasons why your ex has asked you to remain friends:
1. Because of guilt
This applies when he was the one who left you. Maybe he feels really guilty for having ended the relationship, or for how you have been after the ‘news’ that you could not stay together.
You’ll realize that it is a proposal out of guilt if, after having exhausted all his explanations and excuses for the break up, he says the typical ‘we can still be friends’ without much conviction.
2. Out of habit
When we’re in a relationship, we get used to the other person and, at the beginning, their absence is what hurts or wounds us the most. This is true even when we ourselves have decided to break up.
If your ex has told you that he wants to be your friend, maybe it is because he can not imagine life without you.
However, watch out, because that is no consolation if you want to go back: perhaps in the early days he may call you more often to go to dinner or for a coffee, but as he gets rid of that habit of having you next to him, the meetings will be cut off or end.
3. Because of the possibility of getting back together
It can be said that it is ‘grasping at straws’ when he was not the one who decided to end things.
The fact of being friends gives him the illusion or hope that, if he does things right, you may reconsider and accept him again, but as a partner.
How do I know if my ex wants to be my friend and then become my boyfriend?
As a first measure, he will be the most perfect person in the world. Everything that you said at some point that you did not like or preferred to change, he will change it!
Also, he will never use ‘but;’ he will always flatter and praise you; he will want to take you to dinner or the movies like in the old days.
Basically, he will become an ideal candidate for you, just as he was when you first met.
4. Because of loneliness
You must be very careful if your ex wants to be your friend because he feels lonely, since behind this, there is an ‘unhealthy’ desire to return to your side.
If he does not have other friends, if he calls you at night, if he cries, or if you notice he’s sad: he may be very afraid of being left alone.
Instead of offering your friendship, it’s better help him to get out of the house more with other people, to meet new people, to socialize at a party or meeting or to perform various group or team activities.
Also read: Getting Back Together with an Ex: Does it Cause More Problems than it’s Worth?
5. For fun
Pay close attention, because this motive is one of the most dangerous that exists. Your ex has told you that you can be friends when in reality what interests him is having certain ‘rights’ such as, for example, occasional sex.
This happens as a combination of several factors: he may not want to be alone, maybe he likes your company, he may feel guilty… However, the truth is that he’s playing with you and your feelings, and you will end up suffering a lot.
The best thing you can do in these cases is to cut it off ‘for the sake of your health,’ that means no answering his messages or calls and rejecting his invitations to his home or any other place.
You must make yourself respected!
6. Out of self-interest
Finally, if your ex wants you to be friends, it may be because he wants to get some benefit from that ‘relationship.’ Money, a position in a company, certain social status, properties, a weekend house? That will depend on what you have to offer.
Recognize in which situations he is working in his interest or changing plans, for example. If he doesn’t accept them or just calls you when he needs something, then he wants to be your friend to take advantage of you.